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I'm Ian. :D
Basketballer
15 this year.

Hello, to you, who is reading my blog right now.
Please do tag before you leave.

Layout: & - nameless

profile here

Hey guys.
Yeah, I realized all my recent post are damn fuckedup.
But, I'm okay now.
Really, Joyce and Tiffany called me yesterday,
they promised to take care and we had a nice talk.
I think I'll ask my parents to excuse me and weijie from school soon.
Yeah, sorry for being sucha bastard for the past few days.
I'm better now.
Sorry for the stupid attitude.
Now looking back, I realised how stupid and ignorant i seem.
Maybe that's just the real me.
I hope _____ can come online soon,
we have a lot to catch up on.
Really, im sorry lah.
I'm such a stupid arse.
Okay, I'm in a fairly good mood.
So you get pictures.

Oh, and there, as you can see, are my fats because H1N1 reduced all my basketball training and I don't get to train as much.
Screwit.

Hey guys,
I got my phone back.
Same number, same shit.
Don't call me because the new plan charges a bomb -.-
Message me if you want.
But it depends if i want to reply you.
No fucking mood.
Bye.


.. Sorry big brother. If you think I've change.
Then I try to change back to the little sister that you love, the little sister I've always been and will be.

These words were stuck to my head ever since i read them last week.
I don't know what's going on anymore.
I don't feel like caring.
But it just comes to me.
I can't concentrate well in school.
I can't concentrate well at home.
I can't concentrate well in basketball.
I can't fucking concentrate.
Rainie, its not really your fault.
I don't know what's gotten into me.
I'm a fucking bastard who likes pushing the blame to other people.
Give me sometime, I'll think through it.
I'm the worst brother anyone can get,
and youre the best sister anyone can get.
I'm so sorry.
Fuckhead.

And Tiffany and Joyce,
I'm coming to find you soon.
As soon as _____________ ends,
I'll come to find you.
I swear

Sometimes, I feel damn useless.
I think no one really cares what I want to say.
No one.
No matter how hard i tell them , they just don't understand,
I don't want things to turn out this way.
If i knew that telling you how I felt would really make things turn out this way,
I rather I never told you that I loved you.
I rather take back everything i said and make everything return to normal.
I rather that Tiffany and you would be back to where you were supposed to be.
I miss both of you.
Really.
I MIAed for a very long time huh?
I just don't feel like coming online anymore.

I'm not fucking fine.
It's not okay.
I don't care what you two think.
Because you don't care what I would think.
I'm not all for all that,
"It's okay.. I'm okay. I'm fine. Ignore my feelings it doesnt matter" shit.
Because it's not okay, it's not fine, and my feelings aren't supposed to be thrown everywhere.
If you girls think that I'm gonna stay here and listen to how fine and safe you girls are, I'm not buying any of that shit.
"Don't find us,"
Do you think I would do that?
I won't.
Because if you thought I would,
you don't know me well enough.
You better come back.

And to you.
I don't know what's gotten into me.
But I can't stand you anymore.
Not even a little bit.
Saying how your feelings doesn't matter.
Saying how you're fine when you're not.
I have had enough of this.
When T&J are just out there alone and out of reach.
You stay at your little home, thinking of what to get for your boyfriend.
Thinking of how to celebrate your boyfriend's birthday,
When your best friend is out there alone.
When you don't even know if she's safe.
And you don't even show one, single sign, of just worrying for her on your blog.
I thought worrying was what you did best.
And worrying for others is one of the best things i love about you.
Loved, about you.
Thanks girl.
I finally saw who you really are.
You tell people that your feelings aren't important,
but you spend the rest of your days telling people it isn't.
Harping on how bad your life is.
Well, if you think that your life is miserable,
think about mine.
think about Yiting's.
think about other's.
I thought you were the only one I could really relate to.
But from this ignorance and stupidity that you show,
Just shows that I am wrong.
It's not like we're saying that you can not tell us about your feelings,
but you have never been straight-forward about it.
You always find different ways of showing your feelings to us.
But you have never told us how you really felt.

I miss that girl I used to know.
Because you're not her.

We're sorry, the both of us.
I didn't expect how our departure would cause so much trouble.
And to cause so much stress to you all.
But you guys don't have to worry, we're.. fine.
We settled down in a hotel and we are, veryvery safe (:
Don't worry, all is fine...

I'm sorry, Daddy/KOR.
I know I'm wrong.
I'm glad that you understood how I felt, and you allowed me to leave.
I'm really lucky to have you, Daddy.
I feel encouraged by you.
You are my inspiration.
You are the greatest dad anyone could ever ask for.
The dad to protect and love your daughter so so much.
The dad to help her when she's sad.
And daddy, this daughter here, loves you just as much.
Imissyousomuch.AndI'msorry.

Amandalovee,
I'm sorry for the sudden departure.
I know, school is boring and stuff
but learn to cope with it (:
I'll be back.. soon.
I'll miss you sitting partner.

Weijieee,
Sorrylahbro.
I didn't tell you that I was gonna leave.
I'm sorry for letting you down...
I know, I simplest thing I could have done was to call before I left.
But I just couldn't.
You know how convincing your speeches can be.
I don't want to stay there anymore.
I know, I really would miss all the time we would make fun of.. him.
How you would kick him for me.
How you would protect me when no one can.
How you are just so kind.
Always there for me.
But don't worry, WJ, I will be back soon.
Imissyou.

Drew..
I'm sorry I left.
You said, "I love you" before I was gone.
I couldn't answer you.
That's why I need to clear my head a little.
I'll give you an answer..
I won't ask you to wait.
Because you don't have to wait for someone as stupid as me.
Its not worth it.
I'm sorry Drew..

And to _ _ _,
I'm sorry.
I know you've been very understanding to me and Tiffany.
You know, I'm not worth it. Really.
I know, its really wrong of me to just leave without a goodbye.
We never kept anything from each other, not even once.
And I'm just really sorry, I was the first one to break the promise.
I don't need your understanding..
Because I don't deserve it.
Not even a little bit.
I don't deserve you.
I don't even deserve a single attention.
Not even a single respect.
Not even a single word of concern.
Not even a simple smile.
I don't deserve you. Because I'm stupid.
Because I'm retarded.
Because I don't think well.
Because I'm ugly.
Because I'm just always not up to your standard.
I can never be.
Because I. Don't.Deserve. You.
So, I don't need your understanding.
I don't need your encouragement.
It's gonna feel different, but .. its for the best.
I'msorry,butidon'tknowhowtofaceyouanymore.