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I'm Ian. :D
Basketballer
15 this year.

Hello, to you, who is reading my blog right now.
Please do tag before you leave.

Layout: & - nameless

profile here

Where are you?
Where are you?
Where the fuck are you?
Stop it.
Its not funny.
Not. At. All.
I've been very understanding about you girls.
I listen. I talk.
And I don't think this is the perfect answer you girls are gonna give me.
I can don't give a fuck for all I care.
But I do care.
So come back.
I don't need an answer.
I don't need it when you girls are somewhere I don't even know.
Not even safe.
Not under my care.
For once, not even thinking about how I fucking feel.
Hah. To think I thought J&T knew me the best.
I guess it's all just a lie.
Don't come back then.
butistillcan'tstopcaringbecauseijustloveyougirlssosomuch.

Joyce hereeeee.
Posting because Ian is busy with his basketball practice..
Oh, and studying because he complains that he's dumb.
Like, seriously uhh.
2nd in class isn't bad.
SERIOUSLY.
I think there's a problem with singapore's education system or something.
Ohhh, and he's mom is being paranoid about H1N1.

Okay, I'm so not gonna post about Ian.
He has no life.
Been talking to Tiffany a lot on the phone.
And I think that we both need to talk. A lot.
I don't know. We feel the same.
We both want to get away from the rest of the people we live for.
And live for ourselves.
To put down that fake smile that used to make him happy.
I guess, the feeling is too overwhelming.
We're just too tired.
I guess, maybe its goodbye.
But on the other side, seriously, its gonna take forever. ):
I don't knowwwww. But I miss that girl.
Okay.
Wayy to much info ):
I shall stop now...
So.. farewell
BYEBYE ^^

Tiffany, I miss the old you.
The one I used to laugh with.
The one I used to be the real me with.
The one I confide in when I argued with him last time.
The one I used to smile to.
The one that smiled back to me.
I love you. I miss you.
I'll see you, tonight. (:

And.. now I realise.. that you are the reason why I don't feel like leaving.
I'll miss you.. really.. But, I don't know about how I feel now.
So.. I promise, with that last kiss we shared, that I'll be back.
And I'll tell you how I feel.. I'm leaving you behind, but just for this once.
Don't worry, I'll be fine. Really. (:

And to all the girls,Cloe, Stacy and Mikey,
Tiffany wants to tell you...

Joyce here, :DDDD
Ian refuses to update his blog because he's "lazy".
Yeah..
Anyways! (:
I know, I'm responsible for making him like upset and stuff.
So, I'm gonna say sorry to all those people who are concerned about Ian.
So veryvery sorry. D:
I won't emphasize much because its a public blog and stuff,
So get your nosy face off his blog if you're someone unconcerned and as he said, hypocritical.

Weijie and I are at his house. (X
That's why I get to use his laptop.
Amazingggg.
So... yeah.
I think i'm gonna stop posting because this post is boring.
So yeah(:
I shall end off with a pictureeeee.
A really ugly one, in fact
.
I have yellow braces now! (:

Ian, cheer up.
Ian, don't be sad.
Ian, go back to normal.
Ian, feel better.
Ian, get over it.

Words.
Simple, Simple, words.
I don't need them.
I don't need these hypocritical help.
They do nothing.
Asking me to fucking cheer up, for one, doesn't help.
Not even a little.
Well, if someone stabs you and ask you to cheer up,
you won't.
Because the pain would still be there.
The pain would still exist.
The pain won't just go away.

Sometimes people just say that for the sake of saying it.
Well, if you don't fucking mean it, then don't fucking say it.

That's not the point, though.
I don't show my pain, doesn't mean I don't feel it.
I don't show how I feel, doesn't mean that I don't feel it.
I don't show the hurt, doesn't mean that I don't feel it.

So stop doing whatever you want to and act like my feelings aren't important.
Because its part of me.
Your feelings aren't important?
Well, they are important.
But so is mine.

I realise that many of my closest friends, don't really understand me as much as i thought they would.
I guess I was just being naive.
I guess, it was just a lie.

Going M.I.A. for awhile.
Depends on when I feel like coming back.

I'm puzzled why my heart still longs for you.
Recalling the days when u stood by me, my mind goes into deep remorse...
For two people to share a common vision,
takes time,
determination and a lifetime of affinity.
I realised i have failed greatly on my duty..
To protect you. To be with you.
To simply make you feel my presence.
I remember the times when I was busy with basketball and couldn't make time for us.
You would spend the whole afternoon waiting for night to come, just so you could call me on the phone and talk to me.
I would then simply say that I'm tired and hang up.
It didn't mean anything to me.
But to you, I never realised how it great it meant.
I treated you like a habit.
I never noticed how much you meant to me until I lost you.
I never knew how the simple things you did for me felt so good after I lost you.
I never noticed that your presence could bring me so much.
I didn't realise that all you ever wanted was me.
And all I ever did was to push you away.
I remember everyday after school,
You would spend the whole time sitting outside my school for four hours just to wait for me.
I took it for granted.
I would then send you to the bus stop near your house and walk away.
I didn't even bother to send you to your doorstep after you had waited for me for so long.
All you wanted then was to just hold me and kiss me before I leave.
But I would just give an excuse and walk away and make it seem as if its okay to leave you there.
I thought it was okay.
Then, I started to get interested in going out with my guy friends.
When you called me out, I would just simply refuse you because I wanted something new.
I'm sorry.

Hey guys.
Just came back from Seoul.
I lost my fucking phone in the hotel.
I swear they stole it or something.
God.

"What if.. What if I told you I love you?"
"Ian... Stop joking around.. It's not funny."
"But I'm not."
"Ian, you know its impossible. We both know it is."
"Why?"
"I know this is dumb, but, I can't .. It hurts too bad. "
"I'm sorry.. I was such an idiot."

I don't understand why things must happen this way.
It's always him this, him that.
You don't even fucking love him.
Stop making him sound all that great when you don't even have feelings for him
Last year when we tried going out,
We broke up in the end.
What did you tell me?
You feel inferior, you feel insecure, you feel not needed, when you're with me.
But you're the only one I've ever loved.
I wanted to tell you how much I loved you so badly during the trip.
But you never gave me the chance.

I miss you so much that it aches me inside.
I miss you. I love you. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for being such a bastard.
I ignored your presence.
I took it all for granted.
It was my mistake.
I got used to how you were always there, and took it for granted.
I.. was an idiot.
I know I'm not in the position, not fit to say this but..
I miss the times we were together.
Talking on the phone all the way till the morning.
Listening to your breathing though the phone when you fall asleep halfway.
I miss how you look in the morning.
I miss how you walk around me.
I miss the smile that you said was just for me.
I miss how you make everything seem so simple.
I miss how you can make me smile when I'm down.
I miss how you make the day seem so much brighter.
I miss how you just make the world seem to only have just two of us.
I can't stand seeing you crying alone
I can't stand watching someone else do the job of protecting you.
I can't stand being such a coward and not tell you how I feel.
I really love you.. I really do.
I just... don't know how to express it.
I'm.. sorry..
You can call me a coward.
You can call me stupid.
But you cannot doubt how much I love you.
But for now, I won't disturb you anymore.
I won't bother you anymore.
I'll forget you.
Farewell.

This Seoul trip was all a mistake.
I shouldn't have asked you to go along.
I'm sorry.

Sup.
Flight at 1.30 a.m. or whatever time it is.
I'll be away till Saturday.
Maybe I'll be online when I get there or something.
Weijie's already over at my house now.
His parents are coming for dinner later.
Joyce and her parents really are coming to Korea with us.
It's gonna be a big crowd.
I'm not really excited about Seoul though.
I get to miss training :D
Coach didn't believe that me and weijie are going off together.
But seriously, I don't care about that bastard.
Hmmmm, I'll try to take pictures or something.
See you :(

I can't keep it in any longer.
I don't think I can do it.
I should just give up.
Whenever I see you with your boyfriend, I just stand there and smile like some stupid idiot.
But behind that carefully crafted smile, my insides are screaming, telling me to say something.
I don't think I can protect you.
I don't think I'm suitable for you.
I feel like giving up the last little hope I have for you.
I'll keep my memories of you locked up in my heart and never let it out.
But before that,
I'll give my first, and final shot at winning your heart.
If or else fails,
I don't love you. I don't love you. I don't.

Sup.
Went shopping with mom today at orchard road.
Got stuff for the Korea trip.
And amazingly, I saw Bobbi!
Hahahaa, we decided to go lunch together and I ditched my mom and she went to find her group of aunties for lunch instead.
Had a long talk with Bobbi.
She told me that she's planning to fly back tonight.
It feels nice to finally get the chance to talk to her face to face.
She's pretty when you get to see her in real life. :D
Hahahahaha.
She had to rush back after lunch to settle her packing and stuff.
Then I met up with mum afterwards.
Called Weijie to come over to get what he needed.
Mom said that _____ is coming with us to Korea.
She said it's a surprise. I have no idea who she is, not even Weijie.
Hope we'll have fun :D


I hope that one day I would have enough courage to tell you that I really love you.
I'm sorry. I really am. I can't stand being your so-called "bestfriend".
I don't want to be just any other guy. I want to be the guy.
When I'm with you, I'm don't feel the same.
When I'm with you, I feel that I can't breathe properly anymore.
When I'm with you, I can't think straight.
I just don't know how to say this.
but I love you.

Hey guys.
Went training today.
Coach was being a bastard.
Made us run around like some retards.
Anyway, went dinner with Weijie and his new girlfriend.
Kinda dumb and awkward with me there so I decided to leave early to find my cousin, Marissa.
It's her birthday today. :D
Sooo....

Happy birthday, love :D
I'm gonna say something really cheesy now.
Thanks for being there for me when _____&_____ were being ______.
Thanks for being so kind and beautiful (I was forced to say this.)
Thanks for having so much time for me.
Thanks for all the late night phone calls asking me if i'm alright.
Thanks for saving the best of everything for me.
Thanks for being such a great cousin, Marissa.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY! :D

Hey guys. I'm leaving for Korea next Tuesday..
Which means I get to skip training (:
Weijie's coming along with his parents.
Tiffany&Stacy asked me to help them get cosmetics.
Gosh. My mom got doughnuts from the doughnut factory today.
She got super excited and showed me the doughnuts that she got and started pointing to the dark chocolate one with a smile.
so it went,
Me: Why the heck are you pointing to a doughnut?
Mum: The chocolate.
Me: What about it?
Mum: It's mine. *Gives a face*
Me: Urhhh. Yeah. Sure.

That's my mum. She can't grow up or something.
Training tomorrow. I don't want to go.
Maybe I'll just skip it or something. I swear, Weijie's not going, I hope.






















Things have been changing a lot.
Sometimes when I talk to her, She doesn't feel the like the old her anymore.
She's matured, that's true, but..
Whenever my heart tells me to let go, when my heart tells me its time, my hands would just grip onto her tighter,
making sure that she does not fall deeper into harm’s way.
But she seems like she does not want me to help her anymore, she keeps pushing everybody’s helping hands away.
She is like family, she is my family .
She has supported me and helped me in so many ways that I can possible think of.
I care about her so much.
What she is going through is something that she cannot go through alone and I want to help her.
But she does not seem to want the help given. I don't like seeing her suffer like this alone.
But I will always tell her that she is not alone because I am with her always.
No matter what,
She is like my sister, but sometimes.. I feel that I can't help her.
I feel like I just can't.
I listen to her cry over the phone and I don't know what to say to her anymore.
I'm sorry.. I really am.
but I need you to know that don't take sides.
I believe whatever you said to me and I trust you as much as I love you, ______.

.

No matter what you're going through, I'll always be by your side.
Even if you no longer need me, I'll still be there supporting you.
Being the shadow you might never pay notice to.
But when you need me, I'll be right there .
When you are prepared to talk to me, tell me how you feel, I'll be there to listen.
Whatever you said to me today, I believe you.
But please don't hurt yourself anymore now.
If you expect me to side with someone and ignore how you feel, then sorry, I can't do it.
I love you too, cat.

Hey guys.
I just created a blog. :D
It's actually kinda fun.
Weijie's beside me now.
He says,"Hi".
Yepp.
And yeah, the ugly picture is me. :D